Are you designing a life of love or fear? Are you constantly thinking about all the things that could go wrong in your life? For example, “What if I lose my job tomorrow and cannot pay the bills,” or “I might not be able to clean my house next week and my Mother will think I’m lazy!” The list goes on and on and the mind goes into overdrive with fear that everything will fall apart. Does that sound familiar? You are not alone, there are many people with similar thoughts that feel trapped in their own mind. The good news is that we CAN learn to control FEAR as it is our own imagination that creates scary situations, it is the WHAT IF something bad happens. If we can create a negative situation in our mind, we can also imagine a positive outcome instead. The thoughts that pass through your mind create your reality and if you learn how to control your mind, you can bring balance back into your life. I will share some tips of what I have learned about fear and some strategies that I use that have helped me in my own life.
WHAT IS FEAR
Are you a prisoner of your own mind, have you become so comfortable in the feeling of fear that you don’t know what it feels like to experience freedom and love? It’s not your fault that you feel afraid as fear is like a programme that we can adapt to protect us from harming ourselves. For example, if we didn’t feel afraid of a cliff, we would fall, or if we jump into water and don’t know how to swim we could drown. If you are in the jungle and you encounter a dangerous animal what is your first instinct? You can run as fast you can to escape or take a chance and play dead and see what happens! I would run as I think that is what our prehistoric ancestors did when they feared being eaten by wild animals, they listened to their natural instinct and they ran away. Luckily, they survived and we are here to tell our story! Fear is an innate human survival instinct but we have also learned to fear certain things through evidence from our parents and environment. We need to recognise that fear is both a positive and negative force in our life. The positive side of fear is that it is a guiding system to keep us alert and protect us from dangerous situations, but the negative side of fear is that it can prevent people from moving forward with their life and living their dreams. We need to learn to control fear otherwise it can weaken our immune system and take over our life. The question is: “How do you learn to overcome fear?” You CAN learn to control your thoughts, change your story and live your life in love instead of fear.
TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR THOUGHTS
Have you noticed that when you are thinking negative thoughts it is YOUR own movie that YOU are creating and playing in your mind but no one else is watching? Become aware of your thoughts as everything is happening in your mind, you are the actor and director of the movie in your internal world. For example, if you are thinking about a situation or a conversation you had earlier it is ONLY YOU that is thinking this thought. The thought is YOURS and only YOU can choose whether you want to continue thinking that thought or change your focus. Most of the time we don’t choose what we are thinking, but we can consciously change our focus to a positive thought. Remember, what you focus on grows and freedom starts when you DECIDE to focus on the positive outcomes in your life. The negative thoughts cease to exist when you just let them float away without believing or paying attention to them. Thoughts are not real, they are the constructs of the egoic mind that uses fear to keep us in control.
Eckhart Tolle describes this as the, “Voice in our head.”
“The moment you become aware of the ego in you, it is strictly speaking no longer the ego, but just an old, conditioned mind pattern. Ego implies unawareness. Awareness and ego cannot coexist.”
– Eckhart tolle
Learn to relax when you are thinking negative thoughts, notice the pattern of fear, take a deep breath and assess the situation. Are you in real danger or are you reacting because of fearful thoughts? The ego uses fear to run the thoughts in our mind and control our life. It is the programme of the past and the “what ifs” of the future. We have learned to live in these programmes, and most people create their own horror movies. We need to realise that thoughts are not real as we cannot change the past and we cannot control everything in our future. The only truth is in the present moment where we can reduce the power of the egoic mind as it is only in THIS moment that YOU have control of your life. Learn to become aware and recognise when fearful thoughts enter your mind. Some of these negative thoughts are: self-criticism, sadness, anxiety, loneliness. We are never alone as the love and validation that we seek in the external world is already within us. All these emotions are created from fear as the ego is constantly trying to move you away from love as it has no control over love, only fear.
Some strategies that I use when I notice feelings of fear, this can be a guide to help you in the process to overcome obstacles and challenges in your own journey:
- Become aware of your thoughts. How is your body feeling, is your energy decreasing when negative thoughts enter your mind? Focus on what you can do to change how you feel in this moment. Reframe your thoughts and imagine a positive situation and result from your actions. For example: “I’m not very good at cooking and my guests won’t like my cooking, the dinner will be a disaster! Instead ask yourself why you think the dinner will be a disaster. You will begin to understand the pattern of your negative thoughts. Next, imagine your guests are smiling and having a great time during your dinner and they are telling you that they enjoyed your cooking. This is just an example, you can be creative, it’s your life and only YOU know what’s best for you.
- Be kind to yourself and accept that you are human. Accept that you will not always be perfect and you will make mistakes. If anything scares you, assess the situation and learn to see everything as a challenge. You can say, “I will overcome any obstacles and challenges on my journey to success.” Acknowledge the fear, but know that it will seem less scary if you change your thinking.
- Write a list of things that you have accomplished in your life and think about milestones and what you needed to do to achieve everything in your life. Treat yourself to a nice lunch and take time to reward yourself. Notice how the simple things in life bring you happiness. There might have been some failures or disappointments on your journey, but now you have the strength to achieve anything. Love the person you have become in the process as everything is part of your life, the good and the bad. In this moment you can move forward and know that the next moment will be wonderful.
- Practice speaking positive about every situation, continue to monitor your thoughts and when you start feeling negative emotions about a situation, stop and change the thought into a positive affirmation. For example: Instead of thinking I hate my job, you can say, “It pays my bills at the moment UNTIL I can build my own business, or UNTIL I find another job with a better environment and salary.” Everything is temporary until you decide to change your situation. Bless everything with love and you will find love on the way to your dream career and life.
CHANGE YOUR STORY
Freedom from the prison of the egoic mind starts when you become aware of your thoughts, the triggers that impact your life and cause you to react with fear. With practice, life will become more peaceful as you become more aware of your negative thoughts. Learn to use fear to change the story of your life and move forward with your goals. Recognise when your energy is decreasing as that can be an indication that you are returning to a state of fear, instead make a conscious decision to move away from your fearful reaction and into your heart space. The ego and love cannot exist together and when your attention is in your heart, you can respond with love and the ego cannot survive in that space. You are love, that is your authentic self and when you are listening to your heart you will find all the answers that you seek. We have been a prisoner of our mind for so long that we have not been able to see the truth, it takes time to learn and develop awareness and trust ourselves. As you start to open your heart and trust your inner voice, this will become a regular habit and gradually the practice becomes easier. Once you decide to live your life in awareness it will calm your fears and you can reclaim your power. Be patient and gentle with yourself in this learning process as it will take time to change your habits and the ego will always try to trick you into fear. Realise that it won’t always be easy as it is a war with the egoic mind, but now that you are aware of your thoughts you can have more control in your life when you choose love.
“The bigger your heart, the more you love, the more you control your life. The bigger your ego, the more you’re scared, the more others control your life.”
-Maxime LagacÉ
CHOOSE LOVE
Are you going to continue living your life in fear or are you going to stop scaring yourself and choose awareness by connecting to your heart space every day? Your soul knows the way and has all the answers you seek. Allow love to guide you and imagine you are creating a new movie with a happy ending. Visualise that everything you ever wanted is coming true. You can learn to stop giving away your power to people and situations that are no longer serving you. You are becoming a new person as you say ‘YES’ to life and your heart, there are no limits in your world as you take back control of your life. The truth is within you, believe that you will find the answers to all your questions. Your strength and wisdom are always in this moment and from this moment you can create the next moment. Life is made up of moments, choose what you want to focus on in this moment, are you choosing love or fear? We were not born to be afraid, we were born to build a life of love, to prosper and live our dreams. Instead of directing a horror movie in your mind, direct an epic adventure with a happy ending.